The room had that strange quiet a house gets when it has prepared itself for people who never arrive.
A chair creaked when the heat came on.
For half a second, I thought someone had walked in.
No one had.
That was the night something inside me finally went still.
Not broken.
Clear.
Richard had been dead for ten years.
He died on an ordinary morning in our bathroom while tying his necktie for work.
One moment he was asking if I had seen his brown belt.
The next, his hand was on the vanity and his knees were giving out.
The paramedics counted over his chest for so long that I started to hate the sound of numbers.
I stood in the doorway, gripping the frame hard enough to cramp my fingers, while strangers begged my husband to come back.
He did not.
After the funeral, my children sat around me in the living room and said the right things.
Laura was the oldest, so she took my hand like she was signing a contract with grief.
“We’ll get through this together, Mom,” she promised.
Michael sat forward with his elbows on his knees.
“You’re not going to be alone,” he said.
Fiona, my youngest, cried against my shoulder and whispered, “We’ll take care of you.”
I believed them.
